http://www.albany.edu/offcourse 
         http://offcourse.org
         ISSN 1556-4975
		
Published by Ricardo and Isabel Nirenberg since 1998
In the backroom at the beauty parlor, I peel off
          a layer for the woman who offers massage, 
          tell her I teach English and she doesn't say 
        she'll have to guard her grammar around me. 
 
          She says once she wrote where bombs fell 
        a mother hunted her lost daughter. 
For those who suffer I want to bring 
          oranges, roses, tulips in fields, 
          water in all lights. What else is bright? 
On the outskirts of Vegas this mother 
          abandoned whiskey. She took up God
          to let the pain through.  
De Kooning forgot paint, the bright 
          handfuls he used to sculpt 
          on the canvas. So much of his wild life 
          shuttered. 
I lie here eyes shut, breathing 
          through her warm hands
          while she tells of her son molested.  
You think the worst of the world's
          as big as a Brontosaurus. Then archeologists 
          put together a Gigantosaurus skull—
          six feet long, teeth like steak knives.
          They find Gigantosaurus 
          teeth marks in Brontosaurus bones. 
Long twists of bull kelp.
          I fill them like a shofar,
  tekiah silver sharp, 
  shevarim, the curve of the shore, 
  teruah, the curve of the sky.
I bury my body in sand.  
          Dribble a bit on my leg and pause.  
          I try again, dig deeper and now 
          my legs start to merge 
          with day and night, with what shifts 
          and settles.  
Deep in the ocean, sand, 
          remnants of kings and decrees, 
          the code of Hammurabi, 
          comes to write on my skin.
The oceans just barely alive.
          The moon pulls 
          waves through my body.
          Something will come to me 
          a seagull, a grain of sand.
I will know my place in the world.
I like to stop at Sandy's. If I had a dog, 
          I could walk it. If I had a kid, 
        Sandy's got a fenced-in—just gravel,
but she put up a mini tin plane. I could sit 
          with a daughter curled under my arm, 
          watch propellers spin, crazy in the wind.
Order ham and cheese, the same dish 
          every time, Sandy's special. 
          I like knowing what I like.
Marcus Aurelius would say nothing
          wrong with what I wish. He said,
  all humans have reason and they can use it. 
He said clear the clouds away 
          from your mind. I get clear driving
          a rig up the interstate, the painted 
canyons of North Dakota rolling 
          out my rear view; Montana's stoic 
          cliffs, the scrub dried days. 
There’s a shift of cherry pickers 
          speaking Spanish. No tents 
          this summer, no families, they sleep 
on hard dirt with the snakes.
          They wash in glacial melt. 
          I'd like to make the drive        
to Mexico. If I had a wife I'd tell her. 
          When my daughter was born 
        still, I stuck the moon through my ribs 
like a shiv. I made myself a prison 
          for that cold stone. When I watch blossoms 
          drift off branches, the moon escapes
like winter breath. Marcus Aurelius 
          would say do the good now. Those petals are
          a season gone. Just red hard fruit left.
 Deborah Bacharach is the author of After I Stop Lying (Cherry Grove Collections, 2015).  Her work has appeared in The Antigonish Review, New Letters, Arts & Letters, Poet Lore, and Comstock Review among many others.  Find out more about her at DeborahBacharach.com.
        This is her first appearance in Offcourse.