http://www.albany.edu/offcourse 
         http://offcourse.org
         ISSN 1556-4975
		
Published by Ricardo and Isabel Nirenberg since 1998
 One morning lifting his razor to shave
        he saw the mirror was blank and waved 
        but no hand waved back. On a hunch 
he pulled a book from the shelf and sure 
        enough pages stared unmarked as snow.
        He hurried to the bluest lake to find his 
reflection and staring deep discovered
        only pebbles. He whirled, old faithless
        shadow gone, just blonde beach, grains 
of sand. Walking city streets he smiled, 
        nodded to passersby but no one noticed. 
        When he reached to touch a stranger’s 
arm his palm pushed like a stone through
        water. In April after the phone rang once 
        he said, “Hello?” and a voice kept asking 
“Hello? Is anybody there?” Not hungry 
        or thirsty now, even for the pure taste of 
        rain, he lay down, heard an odd key turn 
in the lock. Police, then realtors toured 
        the house. Without a word he watched 
        them pass his outstretched feet. His car 
started and he drove until red lights and 
        urgent siren stopped him, at the window 
        an angry officer searching for the absent 
driver. Nine years ago he bought a grave 
        and victim of a sleeper’s death, forgetful 
        ghost, on foot he headed for the cemetery. 
His slab of lawn grew unbothered green, 
        no polished granite nameplate. Vagrant
        phantom, anchor lost to sepulcher, failed
risen spirit not good enough for paradise,
        too bland for hell, or just misplaced? At 
        sixes, sevens to understand, he wanders 
country roads, beyond the county, state,
        all across America, in hopes some future 
        hour perhaps he’ll meet a living kindred 
soul, a man, woman, child, bird, beast or 
        flower, maybe you, who turned invisible 
        as desert air and remained and knows it.
        I agree to go there but the angry ER 
        doctor says, “Don’t waste my time! 
        Calm down and fly right!” I drive by 
the cemetery and my parents’ ghosts 
        complain, “From the first you were 
        a problem. Can’t you stop?” I swerve
at a church and a sleepy pastor urges
        me to have faith and trust God will 
        wash my many sins away. Years ago 
a professor wrote in red, “What you 
        say adds up to nothing. You should 
        read more and think less.” Then I sat 
by the blue Kings River passing south 
        of Kingsburg, on the bank listening to 
        the water and finally the water spoke:  
“If you keep flowing you reach the sea 
        you came from.” What was wrong with 
        me was right with me I thought at dusk 
and thanked the silver river. I learned
        for certain there were no strangers, only 
        a single Kings, multiform, every atom
awake, oak, sycamore, night heron, owl,
        next second Venus, first stars on time, 
        two meteors, willow leaf, the fingernail
yellow moon. That was earlier, before 
        this recent mix of troubles, like loose 
        things spilling from a box or patient
silent eager horses racing willy-nilly 
        for an unlatched door. Alone, afraid, 
        I don’t go home but start west toward
an island where the Kings forks seven 
        miles, to ask the parting and returning 
        river if its story is still my own again.
        Last night all the bronze equestrians fell to the ground.
        From cities to open grasslands galloped bronze horses.
At world’s end Vishnu will appear, a horse in the sky.
        Say farewell as Earth is touched by hoof of that horse. 
Two kings wept together as the hooved king lay dying.
        Alexander the Great loved Bucephalus, King of Horses.
“Silver!” the masked Lone Ranger called to his stallion. 
        Like silver bullet or Tell’s arrow raced the white horse.
Crazy Horse tied a black stone behind his mount’s ear.
        At Little Big Horn they were invisible, warrior, horse.
Indians hunted on foot until Spanish horses broke free.
        No cruel bridle, sharp spur for any child of those horses.
Blue horses of Franz Marc lived in Eden before Adam. 
        For their kindness bits and saddles we gave the horses. 
As a boy with plums my father tamed the wildest roan.
        In rodeos no cowboys mastered that strawberry horse.
My grandfather drove 12-horse teams to clear sage land.
        The God of Horses remembers the names of lost horses.
I recall the two plow horses at the trough in their corral.
        Tractors came, only a shadow was drawn by each horse.
Dylan Thomas died after drinks at White Horse Tavern.
Onto the fields of praise walked his spellbound horses.
Nietzsche went mad, cried, hugged the old horse’s neck.
        Worn out, a slave hitched to the dray, he was that horse. 
Ulysses and his raiders hid inside the huge wooden toy.
        Wheel at hoof, ropes for reins, rolled the Trojan Horse.
Ludovico of Milan asked Leonardo for a giant stallion.
        For fun French troops shot the clay model of the horse. 
In a stall the groomed Arabian stands ready for its rider.  
        The awaited 12th Caliph, when will he claim his horse? 
Jesus rode a donkey over palm fronds on Palm Sunday.
        His disciples met at the house by a tethered chalk horse. 
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse all have a name:
        War, Famine, Plague, Death. No names for their horses.
Jung writes dream horses symbolize unconscious instinct.
        John’s Book of Revelation warns, “Behold a pale horse.”
On a merry-go-round all children pick a favorite charger.
        Perhaps the life we choose is that rising and falling horse.
        I like the passive, sleepy grass eaters, wombat, capybara.
        Or dugong, the “sea cow,” the panda who likes bamboo. 
My favorites are heavy-lidded, those hard to stay awake.
        Their thoughts aren’t crowded: grass, seaweed, bamboo.
I was drunk in Greece a night a hedgehog let me pet him.
        His spiny fur was soft silk, not sharp splinters of bamboo.
A hedgehog is omnivorous, tastes grubs as well as roots.
        Buried network like spider webs makes feet for bamboo.
Brows of my animals lift and fall slowly with their jaws.
        Their eyes don’t wander for Latin names of the bamboo.
In the Amazon the tree sloth climbs as leisurely as grass.
        In a race it loses to the garden snail, caterpillar, bamboo.
The ones I love walk as if sleeping, walking in a dream.
        To them Earth appears strange as hollow ribbed bamboo.
Creatures I cherish wake in heaven and drowse on Earth.
        Without complaint, all seem calm as sections of bamboo.
In fourth grade from a book we sang the capybara song.
        A song about to suddenly begin is in the word “bamboo”.
My animals’ gaze is so kind but far, through telescopes.
        They view us distantly, down the long flutes of bamboo.
 Author Nels Hanson grew up on a small farm in the San Joaquin Valley of California and has worked as a farmer, teacher and contract writer/editor. His fiction received the San Francisco Foundation’s James D. Phelan Award and Pushcart nominations in 2010, 12, and 2014. Poems appeared in Word Riot, Oklahoma Review, Pacific Review and other magazines and received a 2014 Pushcart nomination, Sharkpack Review’s 2014 Prospero Prize, and 2015 and 2016 Best of the Net nominations.
        This is Hanson's first appearance in Offcourse.